Relaxing without Guilt

by Paul Robillard

Webster's Dictionary defines guilt as "the fact of having committed a breach of conduct." For many of us, simply relaxing fits this definition! Our inability to truly relax, recharge and enjoy time off is one of the many casualties of humans' penchant for guilt.
Guilt isn't always a bad thing; our capacity for guilt evolved eons ago as a behavior motivator for the survival of our species. Guilt's complex blend of anxiety, thoughts and memories has helped preserve humanity, but it can also be destructive in the lives of individuals.
When our guilty feeling is not appropriate to our present conduct, or has long passed its usefulness, that feeling becomes a problem or 'guilt issue.' These guilt issues can cause a cycle of thoughts, feelings and actions that limit life's joy and potential.

Understansing Guilt

Jerome Kagan Ph.D., a researcher and professor of psychology at Harvard University, says that guilt is an exclusively human survival trait that is directly tied to the fear response center in the amygdala of the hind-brain. And according to Ericson's stages of psychosocial development , our capacity for guilt develops between the ages of four to six.
In other words, our biological capacity for guilt serves a survival purpose, and it emerges at a time in our lives when we are operating almost exclusively with the limbic emotional part of our brain.
The Jesuits had a saying: "Give me a child before they are seven and I will have him for life." The priests knew that in those tender years of our existence we are busy building the foundations of our beliefs and our ideas about ourselves and the world. Needless to say, those are often emotionally charged beliefs. Do any of the following resonate with you?

-It is bad not to work.
-Unless I am achieving I am worthless.
-I do not deserve to rest.
-I only have value if I am doing things that make money.
-Good people produce.
-It's bad to do nothing.

Feeling bad about not constantly adhering to these beliefs is one example of a guilt issue - a guilt issue that makes it hard for some people to truly relax.
Even if it is not readily apparent, guilt is always related to the violation of a belief or an idea that we have about ourselves or the world. Such beliefs are wide-ranging, and they can be obvious, or they can be deeply hidden.

Fear is at the heart of Guilt

If you had any reaction to the beliefs listed above, it means your amygdala was firing a little. Even though they are just words on a page, it can be hard for us to view such statements benignly, or see them as outdated dogma from our parents, teachers, preachers or society.
That's because the roots of our guilt lie in the deeper parts of our system - not just below our rational brain, but below the beliefs in our limbic brain as well. Consistent experience with clients and Professor Kagen's research both strongly support the correlation between early brain activity in the fear center (the amygdala) of our hind-brain and our later sensitivities to guilt and guilt issues. It is this fear center that is at the root of our guilt issues.

Shifting the roots of guilt issues

Fortunately, guilt issues are not a life sentence. Our ability to change our brain through focus and intention has been confirmed by a great deal of research.
In his book The Mind and the Brain, Dr. Jeffrey Shwartz describes how his clients reduced their issues and actually changed their brain scans through understanding and attention.
You can do the same thing. The middle prefrontal cortex of your brain, just above the bridge of your nose and right between your eyes, is your center of wellbeing and mediates the rest of your brain activity. When strong and activated, this area calms the amygdala and dissolves guilt issues.
In the book, The Mindful Brain, Dr. Daniel Seigel describes research showing that, when strengthened with long term meditation, the middle prefrontal cortex can dramatically change one's life experience - and one's guilt issues.
In other words, by activating and strengthening your center of wellbeing, you can change the firing pattern of your brain so that the fear center is not triggered when you violate an outdated belief.
Understanding your own guilt issues and what you need to change is the first step towards transforming nagging guilt-based anxiety into joy and potential. Activation and strengthening of your wellbeing center is the next step.

If you would like to learn more about Rapid Meditation Therapy and how to quickly activate and strengthen your center of wellbeing, please contact Paul at MindShift for a no obligation consultation.

Happy relaxing.